There’s nothing wrong with me – bear with us we’re worth it!
Karen Russell is a Mental Health Act Admin Assistant in the Mental Health and Legislation team. She always knew she was different and never really ‘fitted in’, being bullied at comprehensive school and finding it hard to fit in at work. However, after Karen started work at the Trust in 2012 and things started to change. Karen shares her story for Autism Acceptance Week…
“I always knew I was different somehow, that I never really “fitted in” but didn’t really know why," explains Karen. "I was ok at school, being a girl meant my autism wasn’t picked up as I was academically good and didn’t “act up”. The issues really started when I went to comprehensive school, I was bullied for the majority of my time there, the other kids knew there was something different about me and just went for it. I preferred my own company, didn’t mix with others outside of school, never invited to parties, had my sole hobbies and interests - you’ve seen the wildlife documentaries where the runt of the litter is left out? That was me.
“I moved from job to job even when I joined the NHS, I didn’t fit in, personality clashes, not understanding the rules of social engagement, not having great people skills, everything that goes with autism meant I didn’t stay for long. I had work related stress and depression on more that one occasion, signed off work only to have to go back to the toxic environments I was working in at the time.
“I started work at Duncan Macmillan House (DMH) in 2012 and it was then things started to change. My senior manager had experience of dealing with people on the spectrum, his son is on it, and he was also a former learning disability nurse (it’s important to point out not everyone with autism has learning difficulties). He very soon noticed I was again struggling with office relationships, I had my own routines and struggled with changes. After a particularly hard time he suggested Aspergers.
“I of course was not happy with this, it wasn’t my fault I didn’t fit in, there was nothing wrong with me! Something inside me realised his suggestion made sense. I asked how to get properly assessed and the more I looked into it the more the pieces dropped into place.
"Some health professionals don’t know everything about the autism diagnosis process, so it took longer for me to have my initial appointment with a psychiatrist via my GP. The psychiatrist referred me for further assessment, and I eventually got my diagnosis - I am on the spectrum.
“At last, I have my place in the world. There’s a reason I am the way I am, there’s a reason I see the world differently to others, there’s a reason I struggle sometimes to understand. There’s nothing wrong with me - I just need a little more time sometimes to work things out, to process information, to have things explained to me in a way I can pick it up. I don’t mean to lose my temper sometimes, or to get upset, or to need to calm down and re-set, it’s just that the neurotypical world isn’t set up for me. Bear with us - we’re worth it.
Visit the Trust’s Neurodevelopmental Special Service web page for more information on this service.
